Category Archives: authenticity

Excuses versus being mentally strong

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What Mentally Strong People Do When Things Go Wrong

Explanations and excuses are not the same. Guess which one can hurt you.
Post published by Amy Morin on May 14, 2015 in What Mentally Strong People Don’t Do
Published on Psychology Today blog:  https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201505/what-mentally-strong-people-do-when-things-go-wrong?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost
 Explanations and excuses are not the same thing. It is rare to hear someone say, “Sorry I’m late. I should have left my house sooner.” You will much more likely hear, “Sorry to keep you waiting but traffic was terrible,” or, “I would have been on time, but I had to stop at the store and it was really busy.”

There is a critical difference between an explanation and an excuse: An explanation accepts full responsibility for a mistake. An excuse places blame, minimizes liability, and tries to avoid consequences.

visivastudio/Shutterstock
Source: visivastudio/Shutterstock

Explanations are pivotal to repairing your relationships and learning from your mistakes. Excuses, on the other hand, hold you back. Trying to convince others—or even yourself—why your shortcomings are justified can be self-destructive. Despite the problems associated with excuses, for many people they have become commonplace.

Excuses Deflect Responsibility

When young children get caught misbehaving, they often blame someone around them: “He made me do it.” Grown-up excuses are slightly more sophisticated, whether it’s a student telling his professor, “I couldn’t get that paper done because my computer wasn’t working,” or a man telling his partner, “I can’t help that my ex-girlfriend keeps calling me.” But the underlying message is the same: “It’s not my fault.”

Sometimes people assume excuses will help them escape consequences. By saying, “I shouldn’t be to blame,” they expect others to take pity on them and not hold them accountable. Unfortunately, excuses can become a way of life. Some people insist that everything from their stress load to their difficult childhood is keeping them from achieving their goals.

Yet, covering up your mistakes with excuses damages your relationships as well as your reputation. How can someone trust you to do better next time if you claim that today’s mistake was completely out of your control? Before you can begin convincing someone that you won’t let it happen again, you need to accept personal responsibility for your behavior.

Excuses Temporarily Relieve Uncomfortable Emotions

Shirking responsibility temporarily relieves feelings of shame, guilt, and fear. According to a 2014 study(link is external) in the Journal of Consumer Research, claiming you didn’t have a choice in the matter reduces emotional discomfort in the short-term. Researchers discovered that when people justified their behavior by saying they were “forced” to indulge in guiltypleasures, they experienced fewer negative emotions.

For example, when participants experienced pressure by others to blow their diet, they were less likely to worry about the long-term consequences of overindulging since they were convinced they “had” to do it. But when offered options without the same pressure, people who indulged experienced regret.

Clearly, blaming others for your choices can relieve the uncomfortable emotions that accompany acceptance of responsibility. Rather than trying to escape uncomfortable emotions, build mental strength so you can tolerate the discomfort.

Create Results Not Excuses

You can learn from your mistakes by looking for explanations. Accept full responsibility for the way you think, feel, and behave without blaming other people or circumstances. Don’t waste valuable time and energy trying to justify why you shouldn’t be held accountable.

Examine your role in executing the problem. Take time to discover exactly where you went wrong so you can use that information to improve. By being able to say, “Yes, that’s my fault. Here is how I will avoid making that mistake next time,” you increase your chance of success.

Amy Morin is a psychotherapist and the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do(link is external), a bestelling book that is being translated into more than 20 languages. To learn more about her personal story behind the viral article turned book, watch the book trailer below.

Our emotional responses

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I guess this is a follow up on the previous diatribe, it’s not intended to be, not as high minded but something I feel I should raise. Henry Blackaby (Experiencing God day by day p 19) “…discipleship … Is learning to give Jesus Christ total access to your life so He will live His life through you…” Okay, I’m not sure about Jesus “living His life through us” I would see it more as Him guiding our life to be more like Him.  Blackaby goes on to write:”when others see you face a crisis, do they see the risen Lord responding? Does your family see the difference Christ makes when you see a need? What difference does the presence of Jesus Christ make in your life?”

” God wants to reveal Himself to those around you by working mightily through you…” I will say that when it comes to genuine crisis that I respond pretty rapidly and effectively. Over twenty years of being in a U.S. Coast Guard boat station, responding to many cases I have had to deal with many life threatening situations and I can only remember one time when I had an emotional reaction and I did get that under control.  Business, church, I think I do well in that area. If I do get a little assertive I think it is for the right reasons. I’d like to say it’s always Christ like, conforming to His nature, but I’m sure you would be, at least dubious and rightly so. I do need to respond in a more Christlike way and set aside the emotion, except for compassion. But the areas I really need help in is the petty nonsense.  I just get so fed up with the selfish, lazy (intellectualy and physically) attitudes. I expect others to be Christlike because I try to be and when I see the failure in others prayI respond in a manner that is most definitely not Christlike. I end up shooting my self in the foot by exemplifying unChristian behavior to those in the world who are certainly never going to be Christlike.

I need your prayers to help me to respond in the highest manner. Sometimes that response does require an emphatic demonstration that shows this is serious and vitally important. But if the other person just doesn’t even get it, what’s the point of getting in a twist? Pray that I can properly respond. To remain composed in a crisis, to respond lovingly to those who just don’t know better and in those times, which will be rare to be emphatic, but to not lose my composure. I do have to be strong. We just had Good Shepherd Sunday. The point being that Jesus stays strong and vigilant to protect us and isn’t going to stand for Satan’s nonsense or the nonsense of the world, He is there to protect the flock, His church, from so many dangers. As a pastor I am an under shepherd and Jesus uses me to protect the part of the flock I’m responsible for.  Help me do it in a way that honors Jesus. So that the world knows I, in Christ, am serious, determined even to death. But still compassionate and welcoming. And also so that my share of the flock will feel safe and secure in Christ. Thank you for your prayers.

Should the church cater to the consumer mentality?

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This is from Leadership Journal,      http://www.christianitytoday.com/parse/2015/april/dangers-of-consumer-church.html?paging=off

Dangers of Consumer Church

Can self-centeredness be leveraged for the gospel?/AUSTIN FISCHER

Dangers of Consumer Church

“We are unapologetically attractional. In our search for common ground with unchurched people, we’ve discovered that, like us, they are consumers. So we leverage their consumer instincts.”—Andy Stanley in Deep and Wide

“In order to help people follow Christ more fully, we would have to work against the very methods we were using to attract people to our church…we slowly began to realize that, to be faithful to the gospel of Jesus, consumerism was not a force to be harnessed but rather an anti-biblical value system that had to be prophetically challenged.”—Kent Carlson and Michael Lueken in Renovation of the Church

So which is it?

Are “consumer instincts” morally neutral (or at least morally inevitable) and thus fair game for being leveraged toward spiritual ends, or are they something the gospel intends to crucify?

Can a person’s innate self-orientation be used to introduce him to Jesus and to becoming less self-oriented and more God-oriented? Or is a person’s self-centered orientation the very problem that the gospel seeks to cure?

Wasn’t Jesus “attractional”?

Most of us want to believe the church’s relationship to consumerism is a both/and. I want to believe consumerism is simply an inevitable (and perhaps a bit less than ideal) reality that might as well be leveraged in the name of Jesus.

That seems to be Andy Stanley’s point and the conviction that shapes the way North Point practices church. There is something refreshing about Andy’s candor and you can sense the freedom this approach has afforded North Point—freedom from neurotic analysis and endless introspection; freedom that becomes energy to go and do church in a winsome way.

While Andy deserves kudos for even taking the time to defend the church’s relationship with consumerism in a culture where many pastors don’t think to bother, sometimes his rationale is problematic:

“When you read the Gospels, it’s hard to overlook the fact that Jesus attracted large crowds everywhere he went. He was constantly playing to the consumer instincts of his crowds. Let’s face it: It wasn’t the content of his messages that appealed to the masses. Most of the time they didn’t even understand what he was talking about … People flocked to Jesus because he fed them, healed them, comforted them, and promised them things.”

Was Jesus’ goal to attract a large crowd? We cannot ignore the fact that in John’s gospel, Jesus reprimands the large crowd that flocks to him for food and miracles (6:26-40), which sets in motion a chain of events that prompt Jesus to say some rather abrasive things about eating his flesh and drinking his blood, which causes the crowd to thin out considerably, leaving only the twelve and perhaps a few more (6:52-68). I don’t think this is Jesus appealing to the consumer instincts of his crowds.

Or there is the stark solemnity of Mark’s gospel, where Jesus hangs all alone, forsaken by every male disciple and glimpsed only by a few female disciples from a safe distance. Yes, at times there were large crowds, but Jesus’ ultimate goal seemed to be something else. In other words, in the Gospels a large crowd is not the unreservedly positive thing we often assume a large crowd to be. Indeed, large crowds are especially prone to miss the point.

I’m not sure the Gospels anywhere imply that Jesus desired to attract a large crowd. It seems Jesus desired to show and tell the truth about the kingdom of God while being absurdly hospitable to all manner of sinners and nobodies because that is what the kingdom is like. Nowhere do I find some sort of calculated exploitation of consumer instincts (“how attractive are we to our target audience?”).

If a large crowd showed up to hear and see the truth about the kingdom, great. If it didn’t, great. I don’t think it moved the needle for Jesus either way—certainly he didn’t feel obligated to get the crowd to return, or to grow the crowd even larger. Nor did his stomach sink at the sight of a small one. None of this is because he didn’t care about how many people entered the kingdom (Jesus certainly wants a full house at the wedding feast!), but because Jesus knew it mattered how you entered the kingdom.

Kent Carlson and Mike Lueken pastored a church that also believed we could and should exploit consumerism. But through a long and arduous process of examination, they changed their mind. They came to believe that the way we practice church forms us in ways that rival, and at times, preempt the things we say. We can tell people to practice self-denial, but when everything we do caters to their felt needs as consumers (from their placement in small groups, to their participation, or lack thereof, in worship), our practice contradicts the teaching. It’s no wonder so many well-meaning church goers find the call to a cruciform life utterly incoherent.

What do I mean by consumerism? I believe it’s best understood as an ideology that sees personal freedom as the highest human good, and that freedom is realized in a person’s ability to take and throw away, whatever, however, and whenever he/she wants (be it spouses, babies, genders, goods, ideas). In our culture, this is freedom, the highest good: “the perfect, unconstrained spontaneity of individual will is its own justification, its own highest standard, its own unquestioned truth.”

Mixed Messages

When we talk about leveraging “consumer instincts” in the way we practice church, we are taking the ideology of the market and the narrative of acquisitive freedom as the highest good and baptizing them. We are telling our people that their wants and felt needs need no further justification and need not be questioned. What is most important is not that they become like Jesus (unless of course they feel like it), but that they are free (and comfortable) to become whatever they want to become.

Of course we will do all of this while saying the exact opposite, encouraging people to follow Jesus, to be transformed into Christ’s likeness, to die to sin and walk in newness of life.

The unspoken assumption is that this is a no-obligation relationship. You can have a relationship with Jesus as long as you feel like it … and if not, that’s totally okay. Come and go as you wish.

Few of us consciously propagate the ideology of the free market to the detriment of the gospel. Our motives for exploiting consumerism are benign if not pious. We want as many people as possible at our churches because that means more people get a chance to meet Jesus and that is justification enough for leveraging consumerism. I can go down that road, so long as I don’t think about it too much.

So what does this mean for the way we do church? I have formed a core conviction as I sort through all of this: The primary goal of a church is to be a faithful expression of God’s kingdom.

I think the Anabaptist tradition is on to something here. The church’s deepest calling is to be the kingdom of God in the world; not to change the world, not to save the world, but to be a glimpse and partial embodiment of a different world: God’s world.

It seems to me the primary goal of many churches is to grow as large as possible while still being a faithful expression of church. I think the goal must be to be as faithful an expression of church as possible, while also seeking to grow as big as being a faithful expression of church allows. We do this by practicing radical hospitality, love, and forgiveness..

I think Jesus wants a full house, but I don’t think we have permission to make growing as big as possible our primary goal. If we aim at growing as big as possible—while still seeking, when possible, to be a faithful-ish expression of church—we inevitably lose our way.

Some may see this as splitting hairs, and perhaps it is. Consumerism obviously exists on a continuum. A church like North Point is, clearly, a beautiful expression of the kingdom. But a split hair can change trajectory, and trajectory, over time, can make all the difference in the world.

So which is it? Should the church make a habit of leveraging consumer instincts, or not?

I think “consumer instincts” can be a euphemism for the modern ideal of acquisitive freedom—an ideal the gospel has every intention of crucifying. I think consumerism, at its core, is rooted in taking, getting something for ourselves, while the gospel, at its core, is rooted in God’s grace to us in Christ, and our response of faith and hope and love. These are not always easy bedfellows.

So what am I suggesting? Go out of your way to make your church smaller (surely many churches don’t need any help with that)? Frustrate people with petty inconveniences (surely the standard truths of the gospel are inconvenient enough)? Reenact the early church’s policy of asking unbelievers to leave before serving the Eucharist? Stop serving good coffee? Use incompetent musicians?

No. What I’m am suggesting is that many of us have become far too obsessed with making people comfortable, far too fluent with the grammar of the market, far too timid in our practice of the most revolutionary phenomenon the world has ever seen: The Church.

Austin Fischer is the teaching pastor at Vista Community Church in Temple, Texas.

How we honor our body, what God has given us.

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I have a beef with the medical care system. We have way too many people who, at the slightest twinge, run off and expect someone to give them all sorts of care and miraculously expect every twinge to go away. I have bad news for you, there’s always going to be these weeney little booboos. Get over them. But we also need a medical system that first, knows what it’s talking about and doesn’t just pop a pill at the slightest whimper and we need to be much more knowledgeable about our bodies and quit the whining and whimpering.
I had a tightening in my left foot. Found out it was plantar fascitis. I run a lot, I do triathlons. One writer describes plantar as the “common cold” of runners, it’s going to happen. I know another individual, had the same symptom. Without a second thought runs off to the doctor, who prescribe some therapy, and, of course, pills. This takes up time that someone is going to have to pay for, that is all of us, all for something that I went to Walgreens, checked around, found something that goes around my foot and months later, still have not had the least problem with that.
Was playing basketball (bear in mind I’m in my fifties. I’m not some twenty -something smart guy) all of a sudden I just went down, my right calf seized up so badly and quickly I really thought I had done something really bad to the achilles. I realized it was a bad cramp and it wasn’t the first time I got cramps in my calf. I could have rushed off to get the medical attention that I am just so entitled to (he says sarcastically) or I could have used a little sense. The answer? Eat fruit, I started eating an apple before working out. This gives us a little hydration and minerals that support our muscles and keep them from cramping. By the grace of God, it’s been a year and I haven’t had any leg cramps whatsoever. In this case. an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Unless of course you go running off to the doctor.
Yea, I’m getting older, the sciatic on my right side was causing real pain and limiting mobility. Again this is something that is a common complaint of runners and bikers, I’m both. Instead of running for my all vitally important medical care and attention, I read that this is common and is the result of an imbalance in the conditioning of the muscles. Something doctors, who are frightfully ignorant of nutrition and conditioning would not deal with, “hey, just take a pain killer.” Yea, great unless you’re concerned about carcinogens and the affect these pills have on your heart, liver, kidneys and even pulmonary system. I start doing dead lifts, it’s been three months, no pain and much better mobility. Not because of pills or some treatment, but better conditioning. Well we can’t have that, now can we? No one really makes any money off of me if I do these things. Fact of the matter, I’m stronger, have better nutrition and can continue to be stronger without a lot of medical nonsense messing up my body.
As to conditioning and diet. I’m in my fifties, I continue to do short distance triathlons, I continue to train for them and other events. I continue to do weight training. I’m probably as strong as I was in my twenties. That is because while the normal aging process breaks down muscle, especially in a man, you can compensate for it by reasonable, regular exercise.
Now, of course comes more whining, but of a different nature. I can’t exercise. I’m too old, or not athletic enough. People will laugh at me, my dignity is all important. I have news for many of you. People are kind of laughing, behind your back, because you have become obese. You have diabetes, you make a joke out of the fact you couldn’t run around the block. You stuff whatever you want in your mouth without a second’s thought, because well you’re entitled to eat what you want, to have someone fix the damage you do (a very expensive and frankly not effective medical system) and, to top it off, to have someone else pay for all the attention you get. Frankly I’ve seen some people who crave the attention they get more than the treatment. You want attention? That’s what a church is for, your pastor is for, your brothers and sisters in Jesus are for. They will listen, they will empathize, they will try to help. Doctors and nurses etc try, but they’re not going to give you the attention your church family will and your church family is a whopping lot less expensive to all of us, then these new cathedrals of it’s all about me, usually referred to as health care facilities. We always make huge monuments to the things that we care most about. In this day and age, those monuments are hospitals and the new priesthood is doctors. Why? Because it’s all about me, make me feel better, give me attention.
People have to get real about conditioning. I’m not suggesting you do a triathlon. I’ve been swimming since I was six years old. I’ve been doing triathlons regularly for thirty years. You’re not going to be able to do what I do next week. However, anything you do proactively, starting now, will be a huge health benefit. Yes, go to a doctor and tell him/her that you want to quit fooling around and start living a strong life, not dependent on someone pushing pills on you and causing a myriad of other physical problems. The only thing a doctor can do is tell you whether or not you are able to do it, i.e. you don’t have a heart you’ve abused so long that it won’t fail if you raise your pulse about 80 beats per minutes.
Assuming that, then go to another professional, someone who can show you how to live life and not just take pills. I know what you’re still whining about. “I don’t want to look silly!” Yea, well that ship’s already sailed, maybe you want to start to actually feel and look a little better and quit fussing about your precious dignity. Now, even if you get a rudimentary idea of what to do, get up, go out to a gym and start devoting at least three/four days a week. “I don’t have the time.” Yea right, I’ve been getting up at 5am since I was in boot camp. Get up an hour earlier, pray, then do some exercise.
Again, get over your dignity and go to a gym. You might not like that others are there too, oh well. Those who are there are now brothers and sisters. They know what you’re going through, they’ve been there and they actually respect that you’re there. They respect you more than the average sloth who thinks he’s entitled to abuse his body and make the rest of us pay for it. if anything they will be happy to help, feel free to ask. If they do make a suggestion, they’re not doing it to make fun, they’re doing it because they care enough for you to not get hurt. If you let them, they may work out with you and give you some coaching. You know what? People pay big bucks for that kind of thing and the guy or woman next to you is giving you an immensely valuable gift. I’ve seen a few people in the weight room who obviously needed help. One younger kid was lifting weights wrong. I didn’t want him to hurt himself and I started giving him some direction. I may not be much of an athlete, but if I’ve been doing this for almost fifty years, am still in decent condition, can still finish a triathlon, am decent looking and without any, real, physical issues, I must be doing something right. I may not be doing it great, but I’d bet that I or someone else in that gym will help you, gratis, and do you far more good on a day to day basis then any doctor. You’re choice, but maybe it’s about time, a lot of people, again, got over themselves, stopped running off to the doctor, started eating reasonably, did some aerobic, resistance and flexibility training and all of a sudden they’re not a lump on a sofa. They are now a reasonably conditioned person, whose body feels better, who have a much better mental and emotional condition and, oh yea, because you got up earlier and did some praying, you’re feeling a much closer bond to God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. And you’re also showing Him that you are caring for the great gift or your body and life that He gave you.
So put the phone down, do us all (except maybe the medical establishment) a big favor and resist the urge to run off to the doctor and start giving yourself the care you should have been doing since you were six years old. Or, the people who really matter, they’re not going to laugh at you, but they’re going to feel pity that someone could let themselves get into such a deplorable condition.

Mars Hill without the intellectual pretense

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This overnight radio show drove home how really unintellectual this country has become. This is especially ironic and tragic when you consider how much money is spent on “education”. People really aren’t educated today, they’re trained, indoctrinated and made competent, but assuredly not educated.

In respect to that we have the great enabler, the media, this particular show is such a graphic example. Call in with the most ludicrous subject, conspiracy theory, any kind of theory, so long as it’s not about Jesus, and he will tell anyone who calls that they are right about anything they submit. His attitude seems to be “they said it so it must be true, again so long as it’s not Jesus”. No matter how impossible it is to reconcile with reality or with anything else that’s been proposed on the show, that night or any other night in the years this show has been on. It’s on seven nights a week 365 days a year.

The regular host, at least, rarely questions anyone and when he does it’s in the sense of “well ok, if you say so”. So many of the callers are almost obviously delusional, even over the phone/over the radio it’s pretty apparent. The paranoid and obviously delusional, and others suffering from an apparent mental disorder call into this show and just throw it right out there and no one questions them in the least. There is a constant stream of guests who go on, often for hours, spouting their latest theories, conspiracies and/or coverups. They label something a coverup, no matter how obvious or implausible and the host will give you a microphone and an audience.

Isnt this really how society is today? Anything/everything is possible, label anything/anyone you want with some kind of conspiracy, some kind of a conspirator and this host will let you rant on so long as it’s politically correct (although he will let some right wing fanatics and/or religious nut ramble on just to show they’re obviously somehow paranoid or delusional). The rest he just let’s go on their merry way, pats them on their head, tells them how obviously right they are, while making no effort to try and reconcile this ones story with the one from the day before. There must be UFOs, they must be a part of a government plot or coverup.

One could certainly make the case that this is a modern day “Mars Hill”, but while the people there were some kind of intellectuals, there is no pretense of any kind of intellectual at all in contemporary society. Frankly I submit if anything it’s anti-intellectual. We will tell you what the truth is (or that there really isn’t any truth) and you just need to fall in line. You get all these people who tell you they don’t need an education, because they know all they need to know. I’ve learned all I need, when they can’t demonstrate that they’ve done anything to learn anything. I’ve seen more than a few of these types.  No education to speak of, no real life experience, no personal study, it’s obvious that anything they know is very superficial. But that doesn’t stop them. They have somehow absorbed the information, some form of osmosis, and everyone should follow them and believe everything they say.

You certainly see this in big-box churches. No real background, but let’s put on a good show, say the right words (although they fill those words with ideas that don’t at all match their biblical use or any other genuine Christian doctrine).

There is ridiculous anti-intellectualism in this country. All you need is a superficial, if any, understanding on a subject and you can just pontificate away and expect everyone to unquestionably accept and act on what you say. Ya, that’s how Jim Jones, Charlie Manson, Joseph Smith, on and on, with no real understanding of reality, just blah-blah-blah, now go do it.

We also have the uncritical, anti-intellectual like this radio host perpetuating this. The creed being, just be an enabler, don’t challenge, don’t question, don’t rebuke. Nah, I just want to be liked, be successful, make money, and then? Well we will deal with that then, but hey I’ve been a good person.

That is why we want people to grow in their faith, to be good disciples and disciplers. That is why we cannot tolerate those churches that just make Christianity a form of entertainment. Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life”. We have to live that, lead that, teach that and not give in to the silly babbling. We cannot concede souls to those who have no scruples except to make money and try to distract people from the truth in Christ. Satan really doesn’t care what you believe so long as it’s not Jesus.

More devolved or further away from God?

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Someone responded to a post of mine, which was critical of evolution. I grew up mindlessly accepting the secular gospel, that evolution is just a given, a scientific fact and did not give it another thought. The writer/respondent wondered if instead of “evolving”, we were really “devolving”. In some ways man has, in some sense, become better. But in so many ways, the things that are truly important, we have become more depraved, more alienated, more fixated on the true object of our affection, that being “me, myself and I”.

Obviously evolution is a rather pitiful attempt to deny God and to create some kind of phoney paradigm where, given enough time over “millions and millions of years”, that somehow, completely by chance, an incredibly sophisticated environment, would create incredibly sophisticated beings, all by complete chance. (Unless of course you believe the outside of the evolution fringe which tries to convince us aliens came here and started the human race, if not the entire ecosphere. That of course begs the question how aliens came about, but the evolution fringe element really doesn’t go that far, and frankly doesn’t seem to think that deeply.) Most real scientists today are rejecting Darwinian evolution and are growing in their perception of a design of the universe that is more and more incredibly complicated. The idea that says that this happened all by accident is becoming more and more discredited.

I am certainly not anti-intellectual, but those who pose as “intellectuals”, seem to more and more be anti-intellectual. There seems to be this element that thinks that education is more of an indoctrination, a learning of essential facts in order to continue to maintain the status quo, instead of what true science is, which is to continue to question, There is not supposed to be a science orthodoxy, a faith system that dictates that these are “facts” and not to be disputed. But there certainly is a scientism faith system. At least a deistic system (like Christianity)provides for some kind of tangible reality of creation. But the evolution, fringe element, moves even more to the fantastic, when it’s high priest, if not Pope, Stephen Hawking decides ex cathedra, that obviously there has always been gravity and that is what continues to pull the universe together and kicks off the whole “Big Bang”. I’m not opposed to the “Big Bang”, if God chose to use that as His method of kicking off the universe great! What better way than in an incredible flash of light that rocketed out from a tiny bit of mass. But to say that it was somehow always present and self- perpetuating is a faith system that demands a great deal more faith than God the Father of our Lord Jesus, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

God created us to be perfect, we, represented by Adam, decided, that what He did wasn’t good enough, we wanted more and basically Adam waved God off and said, no it’s all about me and what I want. That is the break in our relationship with God. From there sin did and continues to break us down, drive us further from Him, because more and more it’s all about us. So yes, we are “devolvoing” in the sense that we are moving farther away from God and making ourselves an idol. The farther we are from the Father, the more it’s about us, the more debased we become and yes, more like a “survival of the fittest” versus the love for the Father being projected on all those around us and from us to everyone else. The whole evolution argument is about us justifying that it’s about us and that God doesn’t matter. We find out who does, because the farther we are away from Him, the more debased, sinful we become the less human and compassionate and more about me. We can either realize how far we’ve fallen and strive for reality of Jesus. Or we can keep tanking and wonder why things have become more evil.

Our God is very much a living God, to quote the Newsboys “God’s not dead He’s surely alive, He’s living on the inside, roaring like a lion”. He roars to give us the integrity, courage, strength to live a life that truly worships and strives to serve a completely holy, perfect, sanctified God. He made all creation so that we could live as very complicated beings in an environment that supports us. We continue the intellectual challenge of understanding His creation and also Him, in order that we might grow to be more like Him, and not to be about what it is that I want, what I decide is important. When we grow towards God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit we don’t “evolve”, but we become more like Christ. That’s our true goal, we’re not going to evolve that way, it’s going to be about having the faith that God gives us to trust what the Holy Spirit is doing in us and to proceed out into the world in God’s will, not ours.

God gives us Barnabases

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I have been feeling kind of beat down lately. Things have been going, been interesting, combined with the liturgical season though, it’s been kind of a beat down. I can see where God really does provide, just the right people at the right time. I’m not going to name names. But when the meeting is getting a little hectic, when that one person pops up and quietly assures “keep doing what you’re doing”, that is absolutely priceless.  When it’s seemed that the joy is getting kind of beat down and someone comes along and tells you how joyful and another tells you how encouraging, it is truly beyond meaure.

This may sound a little goofy, but I know these are from God, because the comments pop up out of no where and often from a most unexpected person.

There certainly is a time and place for that same friend or certainly another friend with different gifts, to come along and encourage by telling you: “That’s not working” or “Jim you have to change this or that about yourself.” That is encouraging too, because you know that someone has “your six” and they’re watching out for you. I am very grateful that people have been there to encourage and redirect. It takes effort on their part and I am very grateful that they (and I’m hope they all know who they are from this blog) will exert their time and effort to spend it on me encouraging and guiding.  It certainly is a mark of friendship, the Jonathan and David kind to invest that in someone else. That’s also why men’s groups are so important. They do give guys the mutual encouragement and strength to go back out and deal with their world.  You can do that when you know another strong brother has your six.  Thanks to those guys who have mine at First St Johns they have no idea how much they have blessed me. In probably none of those cases has it been a situation where I or they have felt compelled to be friends.  But They were put there by God, they saw the need and what God was leading them to do. I saw what God was doing and was blessed to receive it.

This is a hard thing for guys, we have to be self-sufficient.  Well that’s the world talking. The smart guy remembers God’s word in Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron. So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” So guys who is God putting you with for mutual strength and encouragement? Who is your Barnabases? (Refer to Acts 4:37, 9:26-28, 11:25-26).

Vocations that Christians would not be involved with?

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I’d like to think that I’d be surprised, maybe even shocked, that I see this. But to be frank, what surprises me is that it took this long, if it even did, this guy is just the one to actually make it happen.

Guy in question is Noel Biderman, who frankly by the picture in the article, looks like the kind of guy who thinks he’s so clever and is actually just kind of creepy and smarmy. Reason? Mr Biderman has established an on-line company: “…Ashley Madison a website that facilitates extramarital romance and sex. ‘There are times that I have told people, and that’s the end of the conversation.'” Again judging by the tone of the article he actually seems surprised by that. (Adam Tanner  Forbes Feb 9, 2015, pp 46-48).

The only other thing that actually does surprise me is the amount of revenue generated. Gross revenue for 2014 was $115 million, up from $78 million in 2013. Mr Biderman won’t be making his first billion (total personal fortune), anytime soon, but, that an on-line venture like this could generate $115 million in one year is a substantial sum and a substantial commentary on contemporary America. It’s sad to think that the state of the United States is such that there are enough unfaithful people out there to pay enough to generate this much revenue. Between Biderman’s site and a few others, there are 30 million registered users. That would be one-tenth  the the population of the United States, if you exclude the under-age and over-age, you could imagine that up to twenty percent of American, one out of five American adults are actively participating in extra-marital affairs.

Adam Tanner, the author, does note: “Even in an era of ubiquitous Web porn, a site promoting adultery (after murder in the Ten Commandments) still has the power to offend…” You might want to consider that Microsoft’s Bing will not run ads for Ashly Madison, although Google will. Most television stations in the U.S. won’t. So, there is some reassuring news, but continued vigilance and integrity are necessary on the part of the rest of us. Hey I don’t want to sound like some sort of hysterical huckleberry, but on the other hand, when is enough, enough? When do we people in Christ, who live in integrity, who want what is best for all, instead of standing by while all around us continues to slide into just gross depravity?

Yea I know, getting all moralistic, heck anything goes, right? Now of course this is all cloaked with this thin veneer of “serving”,: “I understand the problems of monogamy and the people who need (emphasis mine) my service.” Really? Wow, PT Barnum was right. Any lameo excuse to make a hundred million, just take it right down to the lowest common denominator. This guy thinks he’s Dr Albert Schweitzer, serving a bunch of people who are unfaithful sneaks. I get it, I’m a man, we feel lust, we all know the drill. The answer, Mr Biderman is not to make it easier to do, to prey on others weaknesses and to boot make a lot of money out of that. Just how far have we fallen into corruption in this country. Sure this is a quiet corner of cyber space, that only wants attention to make money. But I do wonder why there isn’t more of an outcry? Oh yeah, “it’s victimless”. People will actually say that?! Sure, right, just ask innocent spouses and children of broken homes. Other relatives, friends, fellow Christians. Right, no victims. But when people lust and grasp, they will use any justification, just like a drug addict. Just get the fix, right man? It gets to be almost as lame and ridiculous as 1970’s porn.

I feel safe in assuming that Biderman is not a Christian, although with some definitions, he or others like him, might call himself that. But when you are facilitating busting the seventh commandment, you can call yourself what you want, you ain’t no Christian. But this does call into question the issue that some try to make in terms of “well I’m a good Christian drug dealer” or “I’m a good Christian porn star” etc. Are there vocations, professions, trades, practices that would by definition preclude a practitioner from presuming to call themselves a Christian. Can you be a pornstar (obviously an extreme example), but still call yourself a Christian? If we are called, guided by the Holy Spirit in all facets of our life and certainly vocation is a huge part of our life, would He call us to be a good Christian porn star?

OK, so ya I’m kind of stacking the deck, but if you want to start a discussion, bring it on.

We can also discuss it Wednesday, coffee shop corner of Beaver and W King Sts downtown York, Pa. You are welcome to park behind the church and walk about fifty yards. We meet at ten am, ya, kind of an odd time, but in the middle of the week, might be worth it for you. If you have suggestions as to other times and functions for a group to meet around the subject of living your Christian life in the workplace, I would be very interested in hearing it. I was part of a really great group in Boston, and I’d like to pull together a like group here. No charge or obligation and I will buy the coffee for first timers. God bless.

Blue Lives Matter Too II

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I have really been mulling this for some time and I’m still not sure I’m where I’m supposed to be. I am sure, based on the appalling events in NYC that things to have to be said. When you have a huge mob parading on the streets of NYC chanting “kill the pigs ” that is unacceptable and should be condemned by any person!
As I’ve written before, yes I do have a biased perspective but so do those who ignore such absolutely gross demonstrations. My brother has served as a Law Enforcement Officer for about twenty years now, he currently serves as a Massachusetts State Police officer. As a Coast Guard Petty Officer I was a Law enforcement officer and in addition, as a reservist for 29 years, I served with many civilian police who were also Coast Guard reservists or other civilian police at all levels of law enforcement. And currently I serve, I hope well, as a police chaplain for the York, Pa. police department. I have way too many brothers and sisters who do a great job day in and day out, who put up with a lot of grief and conduct themselves professionally. I can honestly say that in almost four years of serving as a police chaplain I have been very impressed with the level of professionalism in the York PD. And the professionalism I’ve seen as a Law Enforcement officer and serving with so many others.

I am really trying to impress upon the reader that I would say the vast majority of law enforcement that I’ve worked with are dedicated professionals who serve and protect to the utmost degree and most of what they do goes unnoticed and unrecognized. It really does stink when a Law Enforcement officer does a great job and does it without any recognition, but one misstep is immediately pounced upon and mercilessly prosecuted.

So now that I’ve bent over backwards, I do need to say this. I have also had interactions with civilian police that was just not acceptable. My training always emphasized that my main job was to defuse and contain difficult situations. Bear in mind that when a Law enforcement officer arrives on scene they do not really know what is going on. They have received a general description, that is by now third hand, and they really don’t know what they are confronting. The smart LE officer is going to approach any situation cautiously and trying to attempt to assess what is going on. Sure, if a life is in jeopardy you move to save and protect, otherwise you just don’t rush in. If you’re doing your job correctly your presence should start to defuse a situation, professional demeanor and actions should make anyone involved realize that they need to just stop. Too often incompetent or inexperienced LE rush in without knowing what’s going on and cause more problems then they resolve. People end up getting hurt that shouldn’t have otherwise been hurt.

I have had some personal (non-duty) negative experiences with civilian local LE officers in a number of situations and I have to confess that they have almost all been with older officers, who have been a patrolman for years. I would submit that an officer who hasn’t advanced in years, may already be an obvious subject as to why he hasn’t advanced. I have no doubt that most are hard working, serving men and women who do a great job, but I have run into some who demonstrate straight out an unprofessional attitude. Why does that happen? Too often it has been a situation where it has been too difficult to discharge a police officer, even one who has been a consistent under performer and even has a string of complaints and serious issues. Why? Too often it has been blind Public Service regulations and union action. This whole system has come down to a system that has become adversarial instead of serving the public good. Too often it’s to serve the interests of those who are entrenched in the public service system instead of the public good. That just must come to an end.

As part of the U.S. Justice Department’s investigation into the Ferguson, Mo incident, one officer has been discharged and two others have been told that they probably will be. I would concede that they may well be victims, no I don’t have inside information, that they may be the scapegoats. But I honestly suspect that these are officers who have had repeated incidents, have not acted professionally, have abused their authority and probably should have been discharged long ago and probably would have been if there had been an objective system to conduct personnel management. I can say as a Coast Guard Petty Officer I was not covered under any Civil Service protection. It is, comparatively speaking, rather easy to discharge and to discipline anyone in the military and that would be especially in a service like the Coast Guard that has so much direct interaction with U.S. civilians. In addition there is an “up or out” system in the military, if you do not advance in a set number of years, you are discharged. I know that this kind of system can work. I don’t have an in-depth experience in the York, PD but I can say they work in a difficult environment and from any other objective source that I know of, do it in an excellent fashion. I would also note that this is a fairly young department and subject to newer rules than many who’ve been serving for many years.

I would be willing to bet that many in the command structure of Ferguson, Mo, wish now that they had made the extra effort to discharge police officers who were too much about them and their ego. Who were too much about rushing in and making rash judgments, having a big mouth instead of making judicious use of methods to defuse difficult situations. Police Dept commands, Civil Service and Police Unions, need to start to think in terms of public service and doing what needs to be done to defuse and control instead of having ego problems and exacerbating situations.

I have had the privilege of working with the “Community Services” department of the York PD and they make excellent efforts to reach out to the community to build positive relationships. It can be done, but as they say in the Coast Guard one “ah poop, can wipe out a couple of dozen of attaboys”. (OK, it’s phrased a little more colorfully), but the point is, you can have the vast majority of a Law Enforcement agency doing a great job, and just one person who has previously demonstrated who does not have the proper temperament to pull a lot of great work down in a heartbeat. Yes Civil Service and Unions have their proper place, but the focus must now be on making sure the public good is being served. If it was a couple of bad apples in Ferguson whose actions culminated in the latest problem, those officers should have been indentified (and they were probably well known) and discharged.

We simply cannot afford any more Fergusons or any other police department that is tolerating incompetence or even outright offensiveness. I am thankful to God that I live in a city where unrest could have easily resulted, but because the local police department has done such a great job on a consistent and long-term basis that trust has been built between the police department and the community. I have no doubt that a lot of destruction and injury was avoided because of the commendable job that has been done. Other communities have to be as pro-active. Get over the excuses and the lack of resolve, it needs to happen, there is way too much at stake to tolerate people who are simply not suitable, do not have the proper temperament and are a crisis just waiting to happen. I’m not saying it’s an easy job, it’s not. But having served in an agency that does do an outstanding job in many missions (the United States Coast Guard), and with a police department that has done and is doing a great job, I know it can be done and it just has to be. Put the egos and the bluster and the nonsense aside and defuse the problem and remember the common good. A lot of different sectors need to heed this.

Liturgical worship, music, chanting, does stir the emotions, the right ones.

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Once in awhile God blesses me with a “eureka” moment and you, dear reader, are about to share that with me, or well at least I’m about to lay it on you. Groovey, huh baby?

The hit on liturgical music/worship is that there is no depth of emotion, it doesn’t lift the spirit, the emotion.

Ya, well there’s a technical term, that’s “bupkus” or as Charles Dickens wrote, “bah humbug”.

The truth of the matter is that it  most certainly does! The problem is that the past few generations are so superficial, so motivated by “eros” love, that it’s all about me, give me, give me. Liturgical worship is much deeper, it gives to God who gives back to me. Yea, well we want to cut out the middle-man and, as always, gimme, gimme. If we would really shut-up and listen we might realize how much more comforting and strengthening liturgy is, how it reaches down to your soul, because it’s the Holy Spirit who is reaching. We can stay with the shallow/superficial or we can really build that relationship with God the way that man has been doing it, which would date back to at least the time of King David, King Solomon and Solomon’s Temple.

Now, I will concede this. Because liturgical worship is difficult, and for those who lead worship and really don’t get it, they will do a lousy job. Sure there are many young pastors who can do it, but they really don’t get it and after awhile it does seem to be going through the motions. For me, who is much less talented, but who has gotten it and is better able to articulate it, but still no talent, you know what, have a little patience with me and my lack of talent won’t matter. What will matter is the depth of emotion and love that we convey to the Father in the liturgy. If you just go through the motions meaning will not come out and again, there are too many who should do it well, but just don’t get it. Sorry, but seems there are far too many of the following mindsets: “Here I am going through the motions, I don’t really know what I’m doing or how I’m doing it or why and, frankly, don’t really care. Right, wrong or indifferent and, frankly, I don’t even think there’s a “right”.”

Well yea, there is a “right” and let’s talk about it.

I have opined before, that the difference between “happy-clappy” and real worship is the emotional content. God the Holy Spirit has finally helped me to articulate the case for the liturgy much better.

We have become an “eros” society. Everything has to appeal to the superficial, emotional, put on a big show – please me, it’s all about me, feed me, sex me, give me this superficial comfort, love me in this adolescent, it’s all about me, wah, wah!!!

Liturgical worship is about agape love. I give to You (God), I lift You up, I know it’s all about You (Father, Son and Holy Spirit). It’s only through You and because of You that I even exist, no less have any meaning at all. I is all about You, when I acknowledge that and praise You, You make it all about me. You make me something I could never be, Your child! You give me something that I could never get – everlasting eternal life in the resurrection. Real worship is always about completing that connection. Not me just sitting back and just taking, again that adolescent attitude.

Of course another reason we like the “eros”, is because it’s easier. It does just go to our base instincts and we don’t have to work at it. One hit that I’ve taken about being more liturgical is that in some way it’s not pleasing, doesn’t resonate well. Yea, well, get over it. Does everything have to be The Gaither Family? No in fact, that’s just another generation’s superficial “please me-please me” with no more depth of true worship. One of my past pastors, United Methodist, but definitely not of the wishy-washy liberal. If anything much more Father Flannagan. He was a military chaplain in Italy during World War II. The man couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket, but didn’t matter. If he had to belt it out a little louder to prod us to sing louder, he had no compunction about that and we frankly loved him for it. He was actually kind of a little prickly, nothing prissy sentimental about him, and when he started singing we’d just smile. Not a mocking smile, but a “there’s our pastor and we really do love him.” An attitude of pride, of it really doesn’t matter how we sing, just sing and lift up God in worship. That’s the way it should be done. For those prissy little perfectionists, get over yourselves and focus on worshiping God in the hymn and what the hymn is teaching and don’t worry your self about the quality. You ain’t no Pavarotti either. I have a much bigger problem with the guy who has much more talent and goes through the motions then the guy (me) who has no talent, but truly wants to lift up God in worship. I mean really, doesn’t that make sense? (I’m sitting here listening to Bob Seger and going on about hymns and liturgical worship, go figure. God surely does mix it up on you!)

The impetus that God used for what is going to be awhile longer (strap in) is an article in Christianity Today by Steven R. Guthrie Love the Lord with All your Voice (June 2013 pp 44- 47)

CT is not a high liturgy kind of publication and yet Mr Guthrie uses as the focus of his article Athanasius who lived from 293-376. Definitely not happy-clappy. “In the fourth century, the church father Athanasius articulated a different understanding of singing . It includes self-expression, but Athanasius believed singing is centrally a spiritual discipline – an important practice in Christian spiritual formation and a means of growing in the life of faith.” Now that would be for everyone, the Don Paiges, the Gaithers, Martin Luther, Me. Those who are great to listen to and those who, let’s just say can be challenging to listen to.

“In a letter to his friend Marcellinus, Athanasius enthusiastically commends the Book of Psalms and provides guidance for reading the Psalms devotionally, (B N – We are pretty sure that most, if not all, the Psalms were set to some kind of musical scoring. We don’t know how, but the Roman Catholic, Anglican and Lutheran Churches have all taken a run at putting the Psalms to melody and most of these are what we chant during worship.) … The Book of Psalms, however, has a unique place in Christian devotions, somethiat the was true in Athanasius’ time and remained so across centuries of monastic practice and worship. Athanasius suggests that the Psalms are so spiritually significant precisely because they are not simply read or spoken but sung…

Now I am going to quote the article at length, because it is just so right on. So I may be breaking rules and I’m sorry and will happily do what I can to make up for it, but this just has to be repeated.

“…In singing, the truth of the Psalms is drawn into the depths of one’s being rather than out of the depths of one’s being…” [this is in contrast to where music today is drawn to, which is much more on the surface, definitely not the soul. This is the difference between agape and eros. Agape reaches down to give you strength, being, connection that you could never do on your own vs. Eros which is entirely about your superficial appetites, more personal titillation than truly moving your soul.- JD].

What Guthrie talks about next applies to Scripture readings also. When we read Scripture with some genuine human emotion, versus the flat/rote manner most people read it, Scripture does come alive. It gives us a sense of what is really going on in the real world. So much of other beliefs are sort of unreal, pretension, than genuine “this is the human condition” ideas. Christianity can be very mystical, it is very deep, it is right where we live because God the Son, Jesus, did live among us and did experience everything we did. So it is real versus this phoney Eastern stuff or gnosticism, that tries to deny the reality of the world.

“We might ask again why we could not simply speak the words of Scripture as if they were our own. What is gained by singing them? Just this: In song, we learn not just the content of the spiritual life but something of its posture, inflection and emotional disposition.”

“When we sing, we learn not simply what to say but how and why to say it. What Athanasius recognizes (and what we might forget) is that inflection, rhythm, and tone of voice matter deeply. They are not aural decoration. For example, after someone offends us we might say, ‘It’s not so much what he said, it’s the way he said it.'”

Chanting is difficult, I keep trying to do better, make it more aesthetically pleasing. But it drives in me the opportunity to express the ideas in a deeper more meaningful way, an expression of the different emotions instead of it being some kind of rote incantation. Because of that, I hope that the hearer hears, the depth of what the writer was expressing 3,000 years ago. That the human condition has not changed a bit since the time of Solomon until now. When we get over ourselves and understand this connection that the church has had going back to the beginning, we can start to live genuine lives instead of this goofy idea that we are somehow so much smarter now than ever before. It’s not true and in some ways it should reassure you that you’re not the first one and won’t be the last. Shut-up and listen, instead of trying to convince us how brilliant you are. If you do, you might find some true comfort and connection to those who have been connected and inspired by God to live their lives in Him. The claim is that the liturgy, chanting has no depth of emotion. That is, as we say in the Greek, baloney. Most chanting is based on the Psalms, mostly written by King David. You do not know anyone who has gone through the range of emotions that David has. Shepherd, then king, great man, great sinner, hunted, hunter. This was a man after God’s own heart. When he loused up, he loused up big-time. But he took it back to God, he took the consequences, he dealt with the rubble, then came back and lived for God. He was a brilliant man, brilliant composer, brilliant king, brilliant soldier, diplomat, builder, on and on. To you guys who think that anything in the Bible is sort of silly and prissy, you need to snap out of it. David is more “man”, than any man I can think of before or since. He truly lived (omitting the really bad stuff), the way men should live. That is why the Psalms are so important, especially to guys.

“Music, Athanasius believes, is a sounding image of a soul that is no longer at odds with itself, nor at odds with itself, nor at odds with the Holy Spirit. Melody models an inner life in which the many different elements and impulses of the person are drawn together in a pleasing chorus.”

“Athanasius goes even further. Not only is this singing of Psalms an image of the well-ordered soul; it is also a means by which God brings about this order. As the Christian goes about ‘beautifully singing praises, he brings rhythm to his soul and leads it, so to speak, from disproportion to proportion.’ This proportioned, harmonized self is not our normal state of being. Apart from Christ, the ordinary state of affairs is for the various members and impulses of our person to jostle for control, battling with one another (Rom 7: 22-23). But when one sings, body, reason, emotion, physical sense and desire come alongside one another, each enlisted together in the praise of God. As we sing, we become a harmony.”

“…Athanasius’ point, however, is that specifically by singing our praises, all the diverse elements our our humanity are drawn together and then together lifted to God in worship.”

“Athanasius portrays the Christian life as a sort of richly broadened harmony, ringing out in praise of God…”

Part of what this means? Quit the non-sense about well you can’t sing, I don’t like hearing that. If you were focused on your singing and what it truly means in respect to the guy next to you and to God, you’d realize it doesn’t matter how good/bad the other person is. What matters is how the Holy Spirit is bringing what you are doing, what he’s doing, what every Christian who is at worship at that moment anywhere in the world is doing, making it a “richly broadened harmony”. Just saying, but I get the feeling you’re going to feel pretty petty in heaven, when you truly understand how the Holy Spirit does bring all that together. And yes that includes my still in much need of improvement chanting.

I am probably not doing Mr Guthrie’s article justice, but I think that I’ve made the point. God has been using liturgical music for at least 3,000 years. It does bring us together, it does reach down to our soul in a sacrificial, it’s all about the other person, it’s all about Jesus way. Can we do it better? Absolutely. But you want genuine emotion and content in your worship? All due respect to the David Crowder Band and all Christian music going back to who knows when, but the eros emotion that music evokes, is OK, believe me, I’ve got all the albums. But when it comes to what is truly from the soul, what reaches back through three millineium, what God uses to tie together Christians around the world, is the liturgy, based on, mostly, Psalms, but also the Gospels. When we truly take this form and truly lift up God in worship and make it all about Him, then He does respond and make it truly about us. In stark contrast to eros, which is all about me and what appeals to my senses and doesn’t go deep enough to impact our soul. Only God does when we truly lift Him up in worship that’s about Him and not about us. And if Athanasius is right and singing is a spiritual discipline, then it doesn’t matter if you do it well or not so well. We worship, we take the Body and Blood of Jesus, we hear the preached word, we’re baptized, we study Scripture, we journal, we confess and absolve, and yes we should sing, in a way that is truly a spiritual discipline and not another worldly indulgence.