Tag Archives: child rearing

Please let’s start taking marriage and child raising seriously

The following is from a post from a brother pastor, Eric Ekong.

“Is marriage obsolete? In a recent Pew Research poll, about 40 percent of Americans assert or strongly assert that marriage in America is obsolete. You probably know the dismal stats about the divorce rate in our country. Here are nine reasons people give that might explain the steady collapsing of marriage in America:

I assume that the relationship is probably going to break up at some point, and the breakup will hurt less if we were never married in the first place.
–Marriage is an exploitative, chauvinistic anachronism that heavily favors patriarchal control. Liberated women will more likely get what they want on their own.
–From the male point of view, women are giving it away these days. You don’t have to commit to her to get sex.
–Single parenthood is the new normal. African-Americans are already there with single-parent birthrates in some places above 70 percent. White folks’ single parenthood stats are following.
–My mom was a single parent, and I turned out fine.
–Marriage is something you can think about when your kids are raised and you are secure in your job.
–Cohabiting preserves your freedom of choice.
–Movies and TV shows relentlessly portray young men as either uneducated, clueless, reckless, socially inept, or violent. Why would any woman want to lock in her life to such a high-risk partner?
–I’m not going to get married until I find the perfect soul mate.

Are these the attitudes you want in your children’s minds? In your grandchildren’s? In your own spouse’s? If you don’t, God has a better way. Let’s give the divine designer a chance to explain to us how to be happily married till death us do part and how to build a family life that will give him glory.”

Me – People love to talk about how smart they are today, when it comes to marriage, commitment, living life in a strong and faithful manner, way too many people, have way too little discernment. How do you think this affects society as a whole? When the burden gets to be too much on those who are trying to live responsible, faithful lives, how do you think it will work out for the rest.

Point one – Yes, I guess if you have a fatalistic view of marriage it will fail. Hey how about this, grow up, make a commitment, live a responsible life and decide that you will make it work. In the meantime stay out of bed with anyone who isn’t your spouse. Oh yeah, I get it, all the excitement, none of the responsibility. How do you really think that’s going to end up?

Marriage is a partnership, that too many men and women today think can be manipulated and played with. How about we all decide to be grown ups and truly commit to what is best for each other and children, and quit playing games. Exploitive? I’m not saying there aren’t bad situations, but the reality is this, the highest rate of poverty is on unmarried mothers. Married women, have a much lower rate of poverty, men will step up and provide. The nasty swill of those people that compose the media love to take isolated situations, make them the rule, distribute their extremely poor “work” to people who gullibly swallow it and there you have it. Broken families, no mutual responsibility and this nonsense that too many women believe that the government will give them all they want. Afterwards and I’ve seen plenty of “afterward” pictures, you have women living in substandard housing with children they can’t keep up with and the spiral continues down and down. Hey there are women that do step up and manage, but I would bet you anything that they would tell you it was much harder then it had to be.

Single-parenting is not a “norm”, it may be the situation, but if people were truly honest about their platitudes “it’s all about the kids”, they would try as much as possible to raise them in a family of a man and a woman. That is how children are raised the best, the research shows it over and over again. There are exceptions, but really, why would you want to try to be the exception, when you can step up and do what’s best for children. Be honest, it’s not about the kids, it’s just about you.

OK, fine, marriage and children are only for when you have a secure home. OK, when do you think that will be? Yea, right, come on. If that’s the standard, then a further standard should be this: “Until such time I am ready to raise children like that, I’m not going to put myself in the position where I could have children.” Yea, people like to get all righteous at one end, then the other end, ahhhh, not so much.

“Cohabiting preserves your freedom of choice.” and “I’m not going to get married until I find the perfect mate.” Seriously? I don’t even know how people can say this with a straight face. Yeah, “choice”, while you’re making your “choices”, what do you think the other person is doing? This is just a recipe for disaster for both of you. The person who says this thinks they’re cool and is showing they’re clueless. The “perfect mate”? There isn’t one and even more ironically, you certainly aren’t the perfect mate either. Hmmm, you want perfect, but you aren’t even close to being able to offer it. Yeah, let me know how that works out.

For a society that loves to tell people how smart they are, wow, “don’t care about tomorrow”, “don’t care about another person”, “don’t care about my kids”, “don’t care about the society I live in”, I could go on and on, but you get the idea. All the research and much more importantly God, emphasizes the importance of the family, of commitment, of sacrifice, of truly living like a mature human being. When you live like a mature human being, and everyone else does, we have a great society and it helps everyone to grow and be secure. When we have a society where everyone says “it’s all about me and the heck with everyone else”, well how do you think that’s going to end up? Find a way to make it happen, quit making excuses, quit trying to have it your way and then stick someone else with the consequences. You may think you’re smarter, but it will catch up to you and then all of a sudden just a world of hurt. And you’re going to sit there wondering why no one will help. Why? Because they’re busy being self-centered and selfish like you’ve been. Not so smart, huh?