On a personal note, I reached 5,000 views. I know that to many of you that’s kind of chump change, but I jumped that hurdle and want to mark it in this blog.
Now that I’m over that, I really want to do this blog, but I need to do a disclaimer, this is almost verbatim from a podcast (Insight for Living Feb 11, 2015), but it’s so good, and frankly something I’ve been wrestling with and that we really need to apply in all our lives. So you should buy Swindoll books, listen to the broadcasts, but in the meantime, I’m going to put it out there and I pray that you take it to heart.
“…there is no where in the Bible that says “live and let live'” [or let die for that matter] or “whatever” or “you leave me alone, I’ll leave you alone”. Jesus never promoted that message. No one ever loved like His love, he never just shrugged his shoulders when one of His disciples was moving in the wrong direction. He confronted it. Why would he confront it? Why would confrontation be that essential? It proves that we love someone. Because we love someone we care for them, about them. We care about their welfare. Because we care there are times when we must say how much we care and occasionally it’s a confrontation.”
[Samuel confronts David about Bathsheba. A lot of people were affected by this, so please don’t give me that lame “victimless crimes, or actions”, that’s the biggest copout ever. There is just no such thing. There are always other people who suffer as the result of sexual misconduct, drug abuse, divorce, and just because it’s not a crime, does not mean that misconduct doesn’t hurt/affect others. In David’s case his children and wives were profoundly affected, at the time and later. The baby conceived by David and Bathsheba died. Certainly Uriah was affected. There were many people, David’s subjects, who were directly affected by the events of just this one occurrence of sexual misconduct and were caught up in the consequences – mine]
“Good physicians confront their patients when they’re involved in unhealthy habits, we expect them to. Good coaches confront sloppiness, laziness. Parents confront misbehaving kids [well they should-mine]. Bad attitudes need to be confronted.
Our best friends, in the best way, confronting us over our bad ways.
It’s not about control or trying to be smarter, it’s about seeing someone you care about harming themselves and, usually, causing harm to others. Confrontation ought to be with tears, never with pride, never with joy. Your heart is broken and because it’s broken you have to say something, especially because you care about that individual. Confrontation is love in action, caring about another’s welfare, helping someone realize they’re headed for trouble or danger if nothing changes and the proof of your love is that you will not look the other way. It’s not for control.”
[I have no interest in controlling, or unless necessary, knowing. I really don’t. That is just not what I’m about or most pastors are. We are about the Gospel and helping people to move on from their issues. We all have issues. But a big part of the job and expectations of others is that we have to help people confront and overcome. Like it or not, it will be through the power of the Holy Spirit, but there are times that are just so profoundly difficult that we need help to overcome them in order to refocus on Jesus. That’s what pastors are for. As a Lutheran pastor, anything you discuss with me is under the “seal of the confessional”, I cannot even discuss that I talked to you. Whatever anyone tells me, they have full confidence that it will not be discussed in any other context. Once that discussion is over, I do not treat you or act any differently to you. This is confrontation also, you are bringing me your issues and trusting me that I’m there to confide in, to confess and repent and to be absolved. I don’t really want to get into it, but I do want to serve you and help you to deal with it. But wow, what would the world look like if we were all trying to reach our greatest potential in Jesus, instead of “gimme, gimme, I want”? Let’s deal with the issue of confronting and not just sitting back and letting others suffer in sin or as a consequence of sin. And we can certainly tell when someone is confronting us in love versus when they’re trying to control us- mine]
“The difference in confronting someone because they need to hear it and trying to control someone to become like you, should be a gentle experience, not shameful. Some day you might fall to the same sin. Proverbs 27:6 “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” The Hebrew says faithful are the bruises. Proverbs 20:30 “Blows and wounds scrub away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being.'”
“…God loves too much to let them get away with doing such things [or how about the one who says “heck with you”, goes off does what they want, gets in trouble and come back expecting you to help. Not asking or looking for forgiveness.Their attitude usually being that somehow it was your fault, I might have gone out and done something stupid, but you have to fix it. But we do need to remember that our goal for them and us, is that we become more like Christ, not to squeeze them into our mold. But yes there will be consequences, and maybe I don’t want to suffer actual or vicarious consequences with you? -mine]
“What is necessary is lots of prayer, waiting for the right time and speaking the truth in love. Ephesians 4:15: “ Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.'”
If you can do it without tears then you probably ought not to do it. If it’s painful for you realizing the wrong that’s going on and others are being or will soon be harmed. Sometimes a pastor who needs to be confronted, whose conduct would damage the Body of Christ. Love must often do the unpleasant. Remember a moment of confrontation, how painful it was. The goal of confrontation is restoration, not condemnation [as is ex-communication, the keys Jesus gave the church.-mine] It is help to get the person back on track so their lives will count for Christ.”
“We don’t go into confrontation to ‘set somebody straight”. You go in with fear and trembling and you’re going to use God’s words on a delicate, but sinful issue. King David as the example; leader, warrior, poet, musician, [He wrote most of the Psalms]. He had a way of winning your heart. But he also understood that he had to be confronted over his sin.