My wife, Marge, went to be in the presence of the Lord, it’s been five weeks now. It was not expected, it was a shock, I am nowhere near adjusting to this. She had serious physical problems. She had a stroke four years ago. Really couldn’t walk, no use of her left arm, a small amount of cognitive impairment. For four and a half years I was her care-giver. It was arduous, caring for Marge, which often required getting up in the middle of the night to help her, giving her meals, cleaning, toilietry, appointments, while trying to do effective ministry etc. All of a sudden I find myself in a solitude I don’t think I’ve ever experienced in my life. I’m not very happy with this.

Bonhoeffer’s “Farewell Maria”, which was a separation from his afianced who he would never see again, he talks about solitude:

…It is as though in solitude the soul develops senses which we hardly know in everyday life. Therefore I have not felt lonely or abandoned for one moment. You, the parents, all of you, the friends and students of mine at the front, all are constantly present to me. Your prayers and good thoughts, words from the Bible, discussions long past, pieces of music, and books – [all these] gain life and reality as never before.” – “A Testament to Freedom” p 490

God has put me here, the circumstances certainly show His hand. He put me here for a reason, do I ignore this, or attempt to figure out, follow, pray over, etc how God intends for me to use this time? I’m sure at least that I need to journal what has transpired. How do I work with this, understand this?

Barnhill, Carla “A Year with Dietrich Bonhoeffer p 20