The last few years have been tough. Six years ago my wife, two years younger than me, had a stroke that left her mostly incapacitated. For five years I provided care to her, run the house and perform my ministry duties. December of 2023 my wife died unexpectedly, which was a complete gut punch to me.

The following months that winter were very gray, I look back and yes, there was some real depression going on. The summer came and things looked brighter. I have only lived here for two years. We moved here because my sons live here and I got some help with my wife’s care. So reality was that I was pretty much alone. Summer came and I started seeing someone. Things were brightening up. Other people were giving me different kinds of care, it was nice that people were being so kind and the loneliness was passing.

Early March I had been having some uncomfortable symptoms for awhile and decided to have it checked out. Ya, I know, nothing good comes from it when someone starts writing this way. The night before the colonoscopy prep, pretty tough. It needs to be done, don’t avoid it, but it’s tough.

Had a colonoscopy and I expected to wake up and hear that I needed some pills, a regular procedure, get back to life. Ya, not so fast. Woke up having five people staring hard at me, you know no good can come from this! Then those words “you have cancer.” I have colon cancer and cancer on my liver, stage 4. So the process begins. Had a procedure to take some tissue out of the rectum to make sure it wasn’t cancer. It wasn’t, praise God. But have had a sore butt since. Had a PET scan, which for me, pretty claustrophobic, but again necessary and was determined that the cancer was limited to the colon and liver. Praise God again. This past week had an MRI. Mercifully I was given a sedative, but it was not easy. Still waiting for the results. Have started treatment with chemo-therapy.

The first Sunday after this all started to break was not good. I’m not sure it was all attributable to the cancer. But I was physically having problems and before worship that morning, I was confronted with five people in the office saying that I had to go home. If I passed out on the altar, it would be traumatizing for those in the congregation, we have a lot of children and others, further I would be taken to the hospital. None of which I wanted to happen. Now I know how Captain Queeg felt, just kidding.

So the last couple of weeks have been being very aware. Last Sunday I completed everything. Yesterday, mid-week Lenten service went according to script. Then this morning, regular Thursday morning Matins, went well. I got through this morning Praise be to God with none of the physical symptoms that I’ve been having for awhile, I won’t go into detail, but it’s been tough. I think I’ve scraped off the ocean bottom, at the bottom of the trough (to use more sea metaphors) and I’m starting to climb up the next wave. People have been very supportive here in getting me through this issue. I’m having some bad days, I’m also having good days. No question it is in God’s dominion and all of these are for a reason. At some point I will realize what God is doing and see how that is supposed to work in me. For right now, I have some wins under my belt going into Holy Week. No I’m not going to push it, but I will be there. I will be crossing that finish line. I am so grateful for the loving, caring attention of people in the congregation and those people in my personal life who have listened to my whining and given me comfort and encouragement. I have to trust God, it’s going to be His will. But He seems to have set this up that He will guide me to overcome this and I will move on in my life. All praise to God; Father, Son and Holy Spirit amen.

There is more to come. I’m still kind of holding my breath for the MRI results. But everyone seems to feel that should not be a problem. A few weeks of treatment, trying to work to get my strength back, maybe some radiation and operation, then fight my way back up physically. So much thanks to those who have supported and encouraged me. Don’t tell my God doesn’t provide, that’s just dopey. Yes, He allowed the trials to come into my life. With my wife and now with cancer. But He’s also provided the support in so many ways to get me through and I am so grateful. It will surely make me a better more empathetic pastor. It also make you stronger.

There is obviously more to come. So this blog is a TBC, and trusting in God this will be a testament to Him and how He works in our life.